future in flames

Sleep

2008-09-27T17:46:00.001-07:00

Sleep is a Betsy Jhonson dress
I can't affrord.

I see it's lux flattering fabric
through the window
but don't dare step in the store,
knowing how much it will cost me.

If I sleep I will be overdrawn and unprepared
standing at work with an empty head.
Obviously broke and too easlily broken.

Sill I just want to drift off into
rich bruised floral print and
dive into sleep's plunging bust.

How I want to ditch my work duds,
unzip from my to do list
and slip on a rouched in the right spots dream,
so bad.

So bad
I wish my time, creativity and cash flow
were my size 16.
Not the ugly sweat stained size 10
I've been pinching my waist to zip up for the last 2 years.

Holler if you hate your man’s friends

2008-07-01T23:40:00.001-07:00

I want to fucking explode with Greek goddess rage
allover the sad ass douche bag cunts my man calls friends.
Never liked em’ never will
But put up with their presence because I love my sweet Andrew
Privileged suburban bitches whose mommies
still serve them like little princes on Thanksgiving day.
I know cuz I have been dragged to their houses at the sad eyes urging of Andrew and watched in horror as one asked me if I wanted something to drink and then proceeded to say “Mom, Rosa’s thirsty, get her some water.”
If I could kill all the patriarchal urges in every good man I would
With a jagged rusty tetanus steeped knife!
And as for the patriarchy
First my dad is sick and the fuck whores know it
Second I’ve just come back form visiting him, and I mean just
As in heavy bag plus surplus paper bag full of crap slung on my weary arms
as I near my front door to see two of them careen up to the gate
before I can get my keys in the lock.
Mother fuckin paper bagged forty bottles in hand they hug me
and jovially ask how my trip was
My dad is pissing his depends, has steadily advancing Alzheimer’s and will likely be unable to remember my name in a few years.
What the fuck was I gonna say…“ Oh, fine, thanks.”
Should have shut them out right then and there but am never as smart in the moment
as I am three days later.
They follow me in reeking of cheap baseball game beer.
The seven crusty cocks have with them in tow four fishy pussies that I can’t stand either.
In part because they are in my tiny Haight apartment
where a full blow party should not be happening right now
but mostly because they are complicit in the men’s bad behavior.
When I finally freaked out they just sat there quiet looking at me like I was on mute
And I almost hate them more for that.
That they first took the time listened intently to me
when I told them about my old man’s swinging gasoline tank of a pee bag,
and didn’t laugh at my clever line, the fucks,
then watched a sister loose her shit and sat there doing nothing!!!

When I decided to snap it was with the force of someone with nothing to lose.
I already hated each and every one of their guts before this night
and decided I couldn't take one more dumb ass blathering bitch boy’s remark
or asinine action.
It was when they inevitably got out of hand and the stupidest two were on the fire escape shooting a b b gun and clomping around like mentally defunked Crap Kongs
that I decided it was time.
Get the fuck out! I yell in their stupid white prim fucking faces.
Circling the apartment to inform them there is a bar two blocks down
and the party is fucking over.
Then around again saying what are still doing here?
Didn’t I just tell you to get the fuck out!

This is where my rage goes cyclone
Swirling in thick viscous clouds

Because none of them are moving

None of them

They are still having their flat assed facile conversations about nothing.
At maximum volume no less.
Ignoring me and later, worse
drunkenly mocking my tirade by
And this still makes my knuckles go white
and Attila the Hun inside swing a body long blade,

Asking me to get them a beer

“Shove the beer up your piss hole!” I scream
but get nothing but laughter
I then stopped
surveyed the scene
and saw no victory
as I was either made invisible
Or painfully visible as a fucking fool
The latter’s eyes, including my man’s, just looked at me.

ENOUGH, Enough truth
What I really want it the fantasy revenge I richly deserve.
Windows smashed and eyes gouged out, bridges burned to microscopic ash.

Before I fall asleep

2008-06-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

Perfect pimple pustule in my mind
Comes to mind right before bed
and lulls me to sleep with its imagined pop
Salty crusty top encapsulates a three layer parfait
Rough hobo black head
that takes weather’s beatings
above
Greasy car salesmen compacted shaft
that pokes out neatly with the first squeeze
pushed up by
Ballerina tutu cream custard
whose messy leap completes my fingers effort.

2008-06-07T22:10:00.000-07:00

I love living in S.F.

Today I took two walks, both were at times when there were few people out and could stroll uninterupeted.
i feinally feel like i've made it and I belong here in that i hcan afford to dip into all the luxaries of this city.

Reminds me of Randy

2008-05-21T19:52:00.000-07:00

Time to Shine

2007-11-23T22:03:00.000-08:00

I am full of pie
so full I could pop like an over inflated hot air balloon
I in fact feel like one even when I have not been snackin to the max.
The days are whipping by like a foul wind as I try to float above all the ground dirty details of life.
My worries sway in my tiny basket case mind and spill over the side holding on to the edge with white knuckles.
Becoming an adult is just as bad as my parents painted it.
I work all hours of the day , including weekends and vacations just to feel unprepared an ambushed when I'm at work.
Unluckily I have kept the juvinile habit of extreem procrastination as I grown into rapunzl braids long responsabilities. maybe I'll just pop the balloon myself and save the struggling anticipation.

Grad school blues

2007-04-04T09:17:00.000-07:00

Boring man blathers on
his mouth a backwards trash compactor
browned apple cores and blackened banana peels
barf onto the fake wood table
The stench of fouled used words
radiates squiggly stinkmarks that get
sucked into hairy nostrils and blown out as
ass kissing compliments

I hope all of the mopey man teachers who dominate this class
and tell each other how much they loooove eachother's ideas
marry evil bitches who mentally abuse them.
I'd love to see them holding a giant pink purse
stuck sitting outiside the Macy's fitting room
while their wife tries on lingerie she will wear
to seduce another man.

Glorious Graffiti

2007-03-03T19:56:00.000-08:00

In the lower haight there is a glut of salons. The ratio is about two per block in a 20 block radius. One of the most pretentious and bitch filled hair shacks is salon Ebo on the corner of Haight and Steiner. All the shops with exterior wall space on this stylish corner have some kind of public art to rep their buisness as part of the community. This shop, wanting to join the club, started production on a round representation of two gaunt women who hair flows together down their bony backs. Apparently too bony for a few community members who have voiced thier opinion in demeted spraypaint script. For the last week every night the salon paints over thier slander to find a new messge in the morning. Yesterday's was "purge and perm" my favorite so far. This week long battle unfortunatly seems to have ended with the salon accepting defeat and posting a note to the effect they will make the figures more voluptuous. Viglilanti victory at it's best.

Persia, Persia, Persia

2007-01-11T21:08:00.000-08:00

Persia is the best thing on T.V. As the big mouthed big boned star of VH1's white rappers show she has proven herself not only talented but highly entertaining. When she took it upon herself to shut up stupid white boy extrordinare, John Brown, with a fat plastic dick I nearly pissed myself. That dude had it coming with his apolitical, entrprenurial idiocy. She is not only adorable with her off the shoulder cheeky style but mean as a mutherfucker when it comes to standing up for her beliefs, the perfect combination. Finally there is good role model on t.V. for young girls struggling with their self esteem in a stupid white boy dominated world. All props to Persia!
Other than her presence the show is a complete waist of time. What's his fuck the host was only famous for five seconds in the 90's (for being a white boy) and does not have much charisma or talent to show. The show itself is also slightly insulting when it comes to the white rappers interactions with legendary artists like grand master flash. Great musicians are turned into side show teachers of the albino main attraction. Though this show is supposed to be a tooth and nail contest to come up in black dominated slice of the world the powder face punks still get everything handed to them on a silver platter. They get a decked out house, booze, a chance at 100,000 dollars, to meet and recieve free lessons from some of the most influential artists in hip hop, and to have thier snot nosed faced on T.V. just because they are white.

VOLVER : Penelope cruz is a hack

2007-01-07T15:10:00.000-08:00

Pedro Almodovar's latest movie should have cut the crappy star power and spent the money on rounding out the drama.
Though I love all of his films this latest flick is not only anticlimactic but devoid of the vibrant sexuality and scenery characteristic of Almodovars films. Take Live Flesh for example where you want to fuck almost every character in the movie and get to see almost all of them get it on at one point or another in front of dazzling colors and meticulously designed sets. As in Live Flesh where she was quickly killed off before the major plot developed, Penelope Cruz should have been relegated to a bit part in this film, where she belongs.

Poet's Corner

2007-01-02T21:39:00.000-08:00

Rain

Wet days drip down my neck
and soak my long johns
the itchy pilly fibers
stick to my skin like super glue
dreary disgusting dastardly and dark

Thick wool clouds block out the stars beauty
their luminous show of pin prick symmetry
lost behind soppy grey curtains
damp socks cripple toe tips
and numb steps become limps
as the sky falls
one drop at a time.

Planar

Lost at sea
my raft rocks
and slowly disintegrates
at its seaweed strapped seams.
As each wave crashes I lose hope
of returning home.
When dusk threatens shark infested night
I take one last look at the sun
slipping into dark water.

Disguise

Batman is a sad ass bitch
flying low and and lonely he
hides like a snitch with a hitman on his tail

The mask is just an excuse to hide his ugly face
wrapped in sick twisted richness
and Bruce Wayne's golden boy fame
his wealth polluting Gotham City

The plastic black bat stuck to his skin conceals his greed
He pretends he's a hero to keep his conscience clean
and honest women in his bed
pretend pretense contend contest
that bat man is a pasty white worm
stuffed in neoprene muscles.

Stupid Cyclops

2006-12-16T15:58:00.000-08:00

Supposedly the cyclops was once a regular human being and gave up it's second eye to see the future. The reason why the cylops is such an angry feared figure is because it is only able to see a small fraction of the future, that is its own death.

Michelle Tea is a fucking genius

2006-11-20T17:37:00.000-08:00

I just got done reading Valencia and it only took me about two days of avoiding everything else to do so. I just love reading a book that gives you insight into a group of folks you would never hang with while glamorizing the shit out of their lives so you wish you were best friends with all the characters. In this case crazy ass alcoholic, obsessive, depressed, lesbian, pathological liars, junkies and scam artists.

Ripping up Ritual

2006-10-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

What a lousy place to get a cup of joe.

I know every one in SF has this obsession with waiting in line for everything, but do not wait for coffee at this awful elitist hipster slum. Usually the wait is warrented here ala the Tartine bakery and their five pound Almond croissants. But, the same can not be said for Ritual Coffee. The coffee is only slightly better than the cups a crap everyone here drinks and calls coffee. The feeling the shop gives off as soon as you cross into it's wimpy arty atmostphere is one of narcissim. If I wanted to feel the cold shoulder of Seattle hospitallity I'd go there not to some fake cali copy.
Another thing.Their sign, pictured above, is a red flag with FAKE arabic writing which suggests a revolutionary atmosphere. But the place could not be more conformist. For example all the stick thin bike messengers wearing the same stupid shit but in different colors who hang out front. Plus Ritual Coffee is part of the steady insidious gentrification pushing it's way into the Mission district.
The only ritual I'd suggest with this place is spiting on thier squeeky clean windows when you pass by.

Validity

2006-10-06T10:57:00.000-07:00

Stamp me and make me right
check my issue date and origin
to see if I can pass
across the boarder
to correctness

Check my wallet too
the weight inside it's fold
eye my skin and features
touch me if you're bold

Can you feel inside my ideas
just by a surface glance
or will you tear me open
for the right to pass

Heroes

2006-10-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

Walking back from Safeway with way too many groceries, the tips of my fingers begin to turn white.
White plastic bags choking the blood from them. Don't have change to take the bus home but, have luck in abundance
as an older man living on the streeet approaches me with his still good bus transfer. He says "here you go, god is great and you're beautiful" Emitt from Louisianna hooked me up the instant I needed it and that is a hero.
The rest of the day I treated those around me better for the small perfectly timed kindnesss I recieved.

Homemade Monkey

2006-10-02T15:59:00.001-07:00

When you have no friends make your self some.

Fuck grad school

2006-09-10T21:57:00.000-07:00

Every day I spend in grad school I feel like more of a dumbass. I am hoop jumping to get my teaching credential and feel as if the hoops are on fire and getting smaller with each week. Is the purpose of grad school to make you feeel like complete shit? Because that's how it feel any time I try to make a comment in class or get back a paper from a pompass fuck professor. Why does expressing your ideas have to come in such a lilly white man centerd condensed package. I feel like the profs think they are way above me looking down at a worm squirming allover their great theories. FUCK the college system in it's tight powered bum bum.

How to piss off your dad and other patriarchs.

2006-08-21T13:48:00.000-07:00

Pissing off the patriarchy is easy. All it takes is the belief that the sexes are equal and men need to reconize their position as opressors. Begin with the men in your family who are concrete examples of male privledge. Take my dad for example. He's not that bad a guy until you get a couple o cups a whisky in him. The worst of this is where he won't shut up and begins to curicularly talk. In addtion he gets mad when you interrupt his rude domination of the conversation. This type of entitlement, drunk or sober is not uncommon among males I have observed, though they only usually get pissed when it is a woman who tries to shut down their monotonus monolog. When men interupt other men it is seen as just part of the conversation, but when a woman does it is disrespect. Anyway what my personal patriarch really hates it when you correct him, in particular in his own home. In public and in the company of other women you can slide alot farther. To hit where it hurts the most though I add alot of eye rolling while he trys to explain what an asshole I am for not listenting to him. If you get bored with this though I suggest storming off with a cold slicing comment like " Your weakness expressed as anger makes me respect you less."